Good Grief?

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with Sue. I love meeting with her. Even though it was a cold winter afternoon, I was able to sit in the sun, in the chair by the bay window and drink chamomile tea. The discussion seemed to keep coming back around to grieving. I found I haven't fully grieved the loss of Leanne. The relationship with her has also shifted from an intimate friendship, to one where she wants to include Rachel as part of our visits or calls. I began feeling jealous of Rachel and hurt by Leanne. But I have more peace around that now. They are entitled to have their own friendship. I can be clear however about how I need to move forward, continuing an intimate friendship. I know I didn't want to feel her loss and my new found & dear friendship with Kathi quickly filled the loss I wanted to avoid. The idea of possibly losing Kathi has sparked a certain sadness in me and has also made me revisit my loss of Leanne. I miss her terribly. I'm going to allow myself the time I need to feel the grief of missing Leanne, a friend I love.

Then there's the realization of Jasmine getting older. I wanted to avoid that inevitable grieve by getting a puppy and diverting my attention. Yet, when I really stop and think about my dear puppy, I realize I don't want her to be bothered by a puppy when she's going to need more quiet and attention. I want to be there for her. Letting myself go through the journey we have ahead of us. Allowing myself to feel the pain when it comes and go through it.

Sue & I talked about how God also grieves more deeply than we can even imagine. It comes from love. When there is brokenness, separation, death...these are from the old life and will not continue into our new life in Him. God will walk through my grief and pain with me. It is a walk through the valley of the shadow of death...not a place to stay or be stuck. With Him by my side I will get through it.