A Jump Forward

I am celebrating being at 123 1/4 lbs. this morning. I have been hovering around 125/126 for a while. I have really stayed tight on my food plan since my talk with Dick on Tuesday. The Monsters & Crystal Light have been taken out. I'm very focused.

It feels so good to see this progress. I now feel like 119 lbs. is in my very near future. Woo hoo! Here I go!

I am meeting with Lisa and Kathy today to talk about changing their food plans and weight loss. I am looking forward to sharing what I know with them. I hope it encourages them to move forward in their own weight loss journeys. I will be advising them to have weight loss buddies, to have a carb-free, protein based food plan, to write out that plan using fitday.com and adding cardio a little at a time.

Well, I'm going to go get ready to head out there...

Putting On My Big, Bad Boots

I'm taking it up a notch! My Tuesday work out with Dick really helped me put things in perspective. I'm on a roll and must take advantage of it. I could see my weight was wobbling a bit and was concerned. I laid everything out for Dick. Exactly what I'm eating and drinking. My eating plan is right on. But there's tweaking to do with the drinks. So the Monsters and Crystal Light are out. I can have 2 cups of coffee a day and water. I checked my calories on my Dunkin Donuts coffee with creamer. The creamer is way too high. I have to switch to skim milk.

I don't know how long my energy and motivation will hold out, so I've got to run this down hard. I want to get to my goal weight as soon as possible. I am doing this!!

I'm putting on those bad ass boots and I'm nailing this!

Good Grief?

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with Sue. I love meeting with her. Even though it was a cold winter afternoon, I was able to sit in the sun, in the chair by the bay window and drink chamomile tea. The discussion seemed to keep coming back around to grieving. I found I haven't fully grieved the loss of Leanne. The relationship with her has also shifted from an intimate friendship, to one where she wants to include Rachel as part of our visits or calls. I began feeling jealous of Rachel and hurt by Leanne. But I have more peace around that now. They are entitled to have their own friendship. I can be clear however about how I need to move forward, continuing an intimate friendship. I know I didn't want to feel her loss and my new found & dear friendship with Kathi quickly filled the loss I wanted to avoid. The idea of possibly losing Kathi has sparked a certain sadness in me and has also made me revisit my loss of Leanne. I miss her terribly. I'm going to allow myself the time I need to feel the grief of missing Leanne, a friend I love.

Then there's the realization of Jasmine getting older. I wanted to avoid that inevitable grieve by getting a puppy and diverting my attention. Yet, when I really stop and think about my dear puppy, I realize I don't want her to be bothered by a puppy when she's going to need more quiet and attention. I want to be there for her. Letting myself go through the journey we have ahead of us. Allowing myself to feel the pain when it comes and go through it.

Sue & I talked about how God also grieves more deeply than we can even imagine. It comes from love. When there is brokenness, separation, death...these are from the old life and will not continue into our new life in Him. God will walk through my grief and pain with me. It is a walk through the valley of the shadow of death...not a place to stay or be stuck. With Him by my side I will get through it.

A Sad Thought

I feel a little sadness today. Kathi texted me that Paul is having a 2nd interview at the end of the month in Pittsburg. I know this is a job he's really qualified for and I want the best for them. But this would make me so sad.

I want to express how I'm feeling so I can keep this in perspective. I realize that I don't know the outcome yet and there is a wait ahead of me (and Kathi). I just really love having her as a friend and would miss having her close. I really enjoy spending time with her. I know we could continue to text every day and keep our communication up. Keeping our weight and food plans in line. But I would miss her.

So, today I grieve a little at the possibility. However, now I must set this aside and wait patiently to see how this actually unfolds.

Life Log - Reflections on the Week

I have accomplished one full week of filling out my life log. What a discovery it was! At the end of the week, I went back over the log. I highlighted in different colors all the places throughout the week that I found myself doing any of my five commitments. The days were filled with highlights. I am currently very active in my commitments.

I will continue filling out my life log for another week. I am curious to see how the week will go using my commitments to make decisions this week. Some of the commitments did not show up highlighted on the log. For example: living out of joy & being kind to myself. As I want to log these moments or thoughts. I am going to carry a notebook, in addition to the life log, for a week just to note these.

I came to an interesting conclusion after doing CYL (the chapter is on commitments). Some of the commitments may not take up time on the life log, so time is not the way I want to place value on them. I want to look for action being taken. When appropriate I can look for results. I am holding that if there is a change in how I think about something, it is an action that may effect my behavior.

"Being true to your commitments guarantees you will have internal balance." (Rhonda Britten). I would add that being true to my commitments brings peace.

Commitments 2009

I have completed my commitments for this year. I had to redirect my focus to use these commitments as decision-making criteria. I feel these will enhance my life and also make a radical difference in my life.

Commitments for 2009:

1. Coming from a place of love in my relationships.

2. Living out of gratitude and joy.

3. Being at a healthy weight.

4. Being active in learning new things.

5. Being kind to myself.

What's going on?

It's a Friday night. I've got CYL in front of me to do and I just sit here. I feel like I've just stopped. I feel like I shut down a day or two ago. I have no desire to look at my commitments. No desire to do CYL. I feel tired. Are my commitments too long and now feel overwhelming? I haven't felt like posting them or complete the plan on how to achieve them. I don't know exactly what's going on.

Commitments for 2009 - progress

I am pleased that my commitments are now written out. I am now working on determining the steps I will take to achieve them. I have finished one section of steps and have written them into my CJ as part of my weekly plan.

I have really enjoyed writing and planning out these commitments. I'm looking forward to continuing to work on them. They will build a foundation for how I will move forward this year. I'm excited about what is going on right now in my life and what lies ahead.

I will post my commitments when I have them finished. But know this, the foundation of my life is my God. I am excited to see where He leads me this year.

Jasmine

Yesterday was a rough day. Jasmine is 11 yo and hasn't felt well the last few months. We narrowed down that she had an infected canine tooth (the infection went into the sinus cavity). She's had a runny nose the last couple of months. A little over a month ago she started throwing up about 3 mornings a week. During the dental surgery, Dr. Juriga asked if he could do a stomach scope to see what's going on with her stomach.

The surgery resulted in two teeth pulled, the infected area cleaned out and a stomach scope. Quite a few biopsies were taken from various areas of her stomach. Her stomach is very inflamed. She has Inflamed Bowel Disease (IBD). The lab work will be back in 3-5 days which will determine if her case is mild, medium or severe.

I'm glad to finally know what she has. I've been concerned about her the last few months. She went from a playful puppy to not feeling well. Unable to eat her normal food (tooth), vomiting and some stomach upset. She was not her normal self. Yesterday I worried that they would find a tumor while doing the scope. Robert & I have talked over these past weeks about whether she might have cancer.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that she's getting older. This will be a process to go through too. A journey of sorts... I felt like I was grieving some yesterday. I know she'll bounce back from the tooth infection and the IBD is manageable. However, I have precious time with her now. And I'll be there for her as time moves forward.

Leisurely Sunday...

I am thoroughly enjoying my morning. I have a list of about 6 things to do today. But I also feel like I have the freedom to create my day as I go.

My weight loss is coming along nicely. My food is planned in advance for each day and I'm sticking to the plan. I'm anxious to see what my weight will be at the end of January. I'm just going to go month by month and see where I end up. So far I've lost 2 3/4 lbs. since Dec. 31. It is my commitment to make my work outs for the month of January. I want to see smiley heart stickers on my calendar showing I made each one! :)

Today I will begin to do my life log for CYL. I will be looking at where I am fitting in the commitments I have in my life. I think I'll do the log until next Monday for our meeting.

Saturday

As I am currently looking at my commitments for 2009. I realize that my relationship and love for and through my God, Jesus & Holy Spirit are number one in my life. Which lead me back to the book "The Shack". I started reading last night, beginning at where Mack arrives at the shack. I am thrilled with what I'm experiencing again as I read it. My eyes are opened at what a precious way it is to be in relationship with my Papa, Jesus & Sarayu. This is truly where life begins...and my journey is based on it.

Tonight we watched the movie "The Bucket List". Very timely. What are the things that I want to do or see in my lifetime?

Friday at home

I've been enjoying my day. Planning today and next week. I'm looking at my commitments for 2009. CYL is focusing on that as a topic too. How fitting.

My main commitment to begin the year is to get back to 104 lbs. at home. I have a very solid plan and support. I'm excited about it and feeling focused. I'm keeping to one eating plan and have committed to it with Kathi. I'll keep to this plan until I'm back at my goal weight. Thank goodness I have her as a support. I'm down 10 lbs. over last year. So I've got a start. I'm hoping to have my first 10 lbs. off by the end of January. That's 2 lbs. a week over a 5 week month. That's doable.

I'll be listing my commitments as I work on them, along with a plan to get there. Then I will set up a way to track my progress. I'm going to focus on my commitments with my CYL group. The journey begins.

I received the community college spring schedule today. I have found 3 one-day classes in beauty & fashion that I'm going to register to take! I've got to keep on opening doors.

New Year's Day 2009

The new year...it's where it all begins. Let's see where this takes me!